Yesterday was a good day because I got a full-blown shower of the saying "What goes round comes around".
Not long ago, someone did me a great injustice. I will not delve into details but if that person (let's call him/her A) happened to stumble onto my blog, s/he would know what I'm talking about.
To cut a long story short, this person didn't stick around for long (good riddance) and his/her heinous and despicable actions were soon forgotten. Life goes on and thankfully, it got sweeter for me (butofkos!)
Sadly, life dealt a 180 degrees turn for A. A little bird told me that A has carved quite a notorious reputation in the industry for him/herself that s/he's finding it difficult to secure a good job. What were once good friends of A had abandoned him/her after finding out his/her true colours. And it's these same friends who are talking about A in the industry.
The score is even now. I believe in karma. I believe in getting what you deserve. I believe there is a God!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Why the f*** am I still working so hard?!
I've quit my job and am leaving in 3 weeks.
It's well past 6pm and I should be home, nicely fed and tucked in bed with Toby on one hand and a vibrat.. err, TV remote in the other.
I sacrificed the entire weekend to work on a new biz proposal presentation which I will not be leading.
I stayed up till 3.30am on Monday morning to fine-tune the very same proposal which I will not be leading.
At this point anyone who knows the circumstances of my work is asking two questions:
1. Why do you still bother?
and 2. I forget what 2 is because I'm brain dead.
My girlfriend, AS thinks I'm an idiot for putting up with the shit that comes with my job when I've already thrown in the towel 3 months ago.
She also thinks I'm a spineless twit for allowing the "powers that be" to trample all over me.
Oh well.. c'est la vie! Sometimes, you're free as a bird.. Other times you're the statue that the bird shits on ;-p
I've told myself that enough is enough but I guess it's never enough for someone who wants it all, eh!
It's well past 6pm and I should be home, nicely fed and tucked in bed with Toby on one hand and a vibrat.. err, TV remote in the other.
I sacrificed the entire weekend to work on a new biz proposal presentation which I will not be leading.
I stayed up till 3.30am on Monday morning to fine-tune the very same proposal which I will not be leading.
At this point anyone who knows the circumstances of my work is asking two questions:
1. Why do you still bother?
and 2. I forget what 2 is because I'm brain dead.
My girlfriend, AS thinks I'm an idiot for putting up with the shit that comes with my job when I've already thrown in the towel 3 months ago.
She also thinks I'm a spineless twit for allowing the "powers that be" to trample all over me.
Oh well.. c'est la vie! Sometimes, you're free as a bird.. Other times you're the statue that the bird shits on ;-p
I've told myself that enough is enough but I guess it's never enough for someone who wants it all, eh!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
My Kinabalu Escapades (May 6-14, 2006)
Kota Kinabalu:
My best adventure holiday ever despite nearly drowning and choking up my arteries (no) thanks to all the seafood I’ve been stuffing my face in.
Was in KK for 8 days from May 6-14, 2006. Apart from doing the obvious (was literally dragged heaving and groaning up the peak), I went for a Discovery Dive session in Manukan Island (was literally dragged kicking and screaming into the sea) and shot rapids at Sungai Padas (was literally dragged howling and cursing into the boat before falling head first into the currents).
I've kept a log of my journey and here it is for your reading pleasure:
Day 1: May 6
S and I flew in one day ahead of the others. S left his shoebox at the LCCT and only caught onto his absent-mindedness at 32,000 ft. Of course, he blamed me for being a distraction (as I would him though for other reasons) but it was too late. His hiking shoes were gone and he had to resort to scaling the mountain in his spare crazy heavy 2kg boots.
To make matters worse, we landed smack in the middle of torrential rains and due to AirAsia’s “excellent hospitality”, we were encouraged to remain in the plane for an hour before somebody had the sense of passing out umbrellas to the passengers. We spent the rest of the day shopping for groceries and other necessities for the climb. It continued to rain the whole day thereafter, and we were praying it wouldn't set the stage for the "oh so exciting" mountain climbing expedition later.
Day 2: May 7
We roused to sunny skies this morning! After breakfast and some loitering, we packed up and were transported from our hotel, Berjaya Palace to Mesilau Nature Resort in the afternoon where we greeted the rest of our group members (10 others) who just flew in. Mesilau Resort is a 2 hr drive away from the city, and 2,000m above sea level with charming chalets amidst a paradise of cool, rustic and natural mountain air and forestation.
Fully recommended for a one-with-nature getaway even if you're not climbing the mountain! Incidentally, we could already catch shy glimpses of the majestic mountain edges between the thick clouds on the way up to the resort. The sight of the mountain so up close and personal truly brought home the fact that I was actually gonna scale the highest peak in this part of the world! Already shivering from the excitement (and cold)..
Day 3: May 8
We started our long and challenging trek up at 9.15am via the Mesilau trail. Reputed to be the more physically challenging one of the two, Mesilau, though longer by 3km, is very scenic and picturesque with pretty waterfalls and bio-diversified flora peppering the trail throughout the climb.
The climb was tiring but fun with S and I leading the way. We were the first ones to reach the midway point, Laban Rata (3,300m) at 3pm. We could already see the incredible mountain backdrop in its full glory of teeth and fangs, gulley, precipice, cliff, plateau, gorge, peak, projectile points - you name it - from there. We could even trace the faint outline of the moon in the late afternoon sky. Nature in its pristine conditions is truly an awesome gift from God indeed!
We took a quick nap on our very cramped bunk beds before the others caught up from 5pm onwards. We had a communal dinner at 6pm, took a quick sponge (in freeeezing waters!) and marched straight to bed at 7pm.
Day 4: May 9
We woke groggy-eyed at 2am the next morning to begin our final push up the peak. This part of the climb was traumatic for me cos I found myself gasping for breath due to the thinning air. S was literally pulling me along towards the end, as I'd refused to budge after a while (typical me throwing tantrums at all the wrong times!).
In spite of the difficulties, we managed to make it to the peak in 2.5 hrs with 15 mins to spare to catch the sunrise. It was damn kow crowded and like a "pasar malam" up there but when the sun appeared over the horizon, the discomfort was immediately forgotten. The sight itself was magnificent and all that huffing and puffing was truly worth the effort! Then came the nightmarish decent!! Survived it all under 7 hrs with killer aches on the thighs and lower back the next day.
Day 5-6: May 10-11
We took a boat out to Manukan Island, 10 mins from KK town and spent the next 2 days being beach bunnies and discovering how to dive!
My first time breathing through the regulator underwater was nerve-wrecking to say the least! I was hyperventilating non-stop and frustrated with myself for feeling so. Took me a while to acclimatise myself to the whole new experience of breathing underwater with a 25kg tank strapped to my back. After learning the basic skills (breathing through the regulator, regulator retrieval, mask clearing and equalising), we proceeded to take a leisurely dive along the shores 2-3m below sea level. We said hello to many fishies mainly moon wrasses, playful clown fishes, trigger fishes, a puffer fish, sea slugs and plenty of corals in the clear turquoise waters. Awesome!
Day 7: May 12
We went back to KK and put up at Promenade where we made arrangements for seafood dinner in the vicinity that evening. S and I even managed to catch Mission Impossible 3 to pass the time before dinner.
Day 8: May 13
The next day, we had the privilege to ride on the oldest train in Borneo for two hours which took us to Sungai Padas, Sabah’s most popular rafting destination. It’s 9km long and holds 7 exciting and challenging rapids graded 3-4 (read: for thrill seekers only!). The rapids have funky names like Scooby Doo, Headhunter, Adrenalin Flow, Lambada, Break Point and the Merry Go Round. Shooting them was exhilirating and I didn't know which was worse.. the fear of falling into the river or being thrashed about as you see an approaching rapid! I fell victim to the Merry Go Round lol! Freaky but fun!
We spent the rest of the day and time stuffing our faces with seafood galore. I came back 2 kgs heavier than before (I'm sure it's muscles not fat).
Now that it’s all said and done, click here for the pictorial depiction of my KK adventure :-)
The Solutions to Life's 10 Biggest Problems
By Dr. Philip E. Humbert
Every day, clients tell me about their problems, often in great detail, and I've noticed patterns that show up over and over. For many people, life's problems are viewed as "not enough money" or "not enough time". For couples, the problems are often around "communication" or "parenting" . They think if they only had more money or more time or a better job, things would be wonderful.
But it doesn't work that way, because these things are not the BIG PROBLEM. From my experience, I suggest life's really big problems are:
1. Tunnel Vision. The tendency to focus only on the immediate crisis or sore spot. Under stress, things look worse or more complex than they really are.
The solution: Perspective. Ask if it will matter in 6 months. Ask what else is going on? How did I create this situation and, in an ideal world, what would I like to do about it?
2. Fear. The anxiety or terror that things will go badly, that we will fail or be embarrassed.
The solution: Humor and Curiosity. Modern life has very few saber-tooth tigers. The situation is rarely life or death. Ask, What's the worst that can happen? What's the best? What can I learn? What would I do if I had no fear?
3. Confusion. The sense of being lost or unclear about our direction. The sense that we don't know our own priorities anymore.
The solution: Responsible Choices. Choose your values and priorities and set your own path. Your life is yours. Check your moral compass,pick a direction and do something extraordinary!
4. Guilt. The belief that we have hurt or failed or sinned and deserve punishment. Guilt is either accurate, because sometimes we do behave badly, or it is false and simply an illusion.
The solution: If we have transgressed, we must make restitution, ask forgiveness, learn from our error and move on. If it is false guilt, set it down as an unnecessary and irrational burden.
5. Shame. The belief that we are worth-less than others, that we have a terrible, incurable flaw. It is not that we have done something wrong (guilt), but that we are bad or wrong.
The solution: Clear, rational thinking. Everyone has behaved badly, but no one was created badly! Any flaws only serve to make you stronger, more heroic or more compassionate toward others.
6. Loneliness. The belief that no one loves us, that no one cares and we must desperately cling to anyone who finds us attractive or acceptable. This creates dependency, not intimacy.
The solution: Accurate Self-Assessment. Not everyone will love you, but many people will if they meet you, get to know you, and spend time working/playing along side you.
7. Resentment. Holding anger and refusing to move beyond real or imagined mistreatment in the past. Some people spend their whole lives as "victims", nurturing a terrible event in their past.
The solution: Let go! Life is not fair and people do not always behave well or kindly. Use your trauma to make you wise, kind, gentle, and strong. Holding anger will not work.
8. Self-Doubt. The repeated, endless questioning of your own abilities, opinions or actions. The inability to take a stand, to act boldly, or to follow-through.
The solution: Action! Think clearly, then take action and follow-through. Start small, but do it! You are the world's expert on your life! Use your wisdom to live well.
9. Stubbornness. The refusal or inability to re-assess a situation, change your mind, or admit you were wrong.
The solution: Wisdom and Humility. Only a fool stays on a course that is headed for disaster! Search for new and better information, remain flexible, open and creative. When the situation changes, adjust accordingly and set a new course.
10. Addiction. Humans become addicted to drugs, but we also become addicted to our jobs, our opinions or our lifestyle. We can be addicted to people and need them rather than love them.
The solution: Take a vacation! Periodically, walk in someone else's shoes. Break your habits, re-arrange your schedule, delegate those things that only you can do "right". Use habits and traditions to set you free, don't let habits enslave you!
Every day, clients tell me about their problems, often in great detail, and I've noticed patterns that show up over and over. For many people, life's problems are viewed as "not enough money" or "not enough time". For couples, the problems are often around "communication" or "parenting" . They think if they only had more money or more time or a better job, things would be wonderful.
But it doesn't work that way, because these things are not the BIG PROBLEM. From my experience, I suggest life's really big problems are:
1. Tunnel Vision. The tendency to focus only on the immediate crisis or sore spot. Under stress, things look worse or more complex than they really are.
The solution: Perspective. Ask if it will matter in 6 months. Ask what else is going on? How did I create this situation and, in an ideal world, what would I like to do about it?
2. Fear. The anxiety or terror that things will go badly, that we will fail or be embarrassed.
The solution: Humor and Curiosity. Modern life has very few saber-tooth tigers. The situation is rarely life or death. Ask, What's the worst that can happen? What's the best? What can I learn? What would I do if I had no fear?
3. Confusion. The sense of being lost or unclear about our direction. The sense that we don't know our own priorities anymore.
The solution: Responsible Choices. Choose your values and priorities and set your own path. Your life is yours. Check your moral compass,pick a direction and do something extraordinary!
4. Guilt. The belief that we have hurt or failed or sinned and deserve punishment. Guilt is either accurate, because sometimes we do behave badly, or it is false and simply an illusion.
The solution: If we have transgressed, we must make restitution, ask forgiveness, learn from our error and move on. If it is false guilt, set it down as an unnecessary and irrational burden.
5. Shame. The belief that we are worth-less than others, that we have a terrible, incurable flaw. It is not that we have done something wrong (guilt), but that we are bad or wrong.
The solution: Clear, rational thinking. Everyone has behaved badly, but no one was created badly! Any flaws only serve to make you stronger, more heroic or more compassionate toward others.
6. Loneliness. The belief that no one loves us, that no one cares and we must desperately cling to anyone who finds us attractive or acceptable. This creates dependency, not intimacy.
The solution: Accurate Self-Assessment. Not everyone will love you, but many people will if they meet you, get to know you, and spend time working/playing along side you.
7. Resentment. Holding anger and refusing to move beyond real or imagined mistreatment in the past. Some people spend their whole lives as "victims", nurturing a terrible event in their past.
The solution: Let go! Life is not fair and people do not always behave well or kindly. Use your trauma to make you wise, kind, gentle, and strong. Holding anger will not work.
8. Self-Doubt. The repeated, endless questioning of your own abilities, opinions or actions. The inability to take a stand, to act boldly, or to follow-through.
The solution: Action! Think clearly, then take action and follow-through. Start small, but do it! You are the world's expert on your life! Use your wisdom to live well.
9. Stubbornness. The refusal or inability to re-assess a situation, change your mind, or admit you were wrong.
The solution: Wisdom and Humility. Only a fool stays on a course that is headed for disaster! Search for new and better information, remain flexible, open and creative. When the situation changes, adjust accordingly and set a new course.
10. Addiction. Humans become addicted to drugs, but we also become addicted to our jobs, our opinions or our lifestyle. We can be addicted to people and need them rather than love them.
The solution: Take a vacation! Periodically, walk in someone else's shoes. Break your habits, re-arrange your schedule, delegate those things that only you can do "right". Use habits and traditions to set you free, don't let habits enslave you!
What is Life?
Paul Bradshaw sat down for an interview with Rick Warren, author of the phenomenal award-winning book "Purpose Driven Life". Excerpts as follows:
Rick Warren said:
"People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life.
The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth.
I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always Something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain, is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people...
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for you to own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence.
He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan - to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?
Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."
Rick Warren said:
"People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillion of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life.
The goal is to grow in character, in Christ-likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth.
I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always Something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain, is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people...
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for you to own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence.
He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan - to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?
Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."
To Remember Me - I Will Live Forever
Forget about the fountain of youth.. Read the poem below then ask yourself.. "Do I want to live forever?"
(This poem by American poet, Robert N. Test has inspired organ donors all over the world.)
-----------
The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital; busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to the one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain.
Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weakness and all prejudice against my fellow man.
Give my sins to the devil.
Give my soul to God.
If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you.
If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.
(This poem by American poet, Robert N. Test has inspired organ donors all over the world.)
-----------
The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital; busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the bed of life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to the one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain.
Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weakness and all prejudice against my fellow man.
Give my sins to the devil.
Give my soul to God.
If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you.
If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.
The essence of Time
When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back (like how I'm spending sooo much time on this blog when I'm suppose to be working.. shhh).
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time. (S will never let me live this statement down..)
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
So spend some T-I-M-E with your loved ones today - significant other, parents, best friends, girlfriends, teddy bear, pet iguana.. etc.
I, for one have not been spending enough quality time with my parents.. and they are getting a wee bit older by the day :-( Sure I go home nearly everyday and gossip with mom over everything and nothing, while I'm a perpetual 5 year old with dad but I still take them for granted, all the time.
I feel especially bad over the weekends when I'm not around to have dinner with them. And I'm not even married yet!
These days, I make it a point to spend dinnertime with them on Saturday at least, and Sunday night at my place. Doesn't always happen that way but hey, better sometimes than never, yes? Regret over your parents is a baggage you should NEVER have to bear..
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time. (S will never let me live this statement down..)
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
So spend some T-I-M-E with your loved ones today - significant other, parents, best friends, girlfriends, teddy bear, pet iguana.. etc.
I, for one have not been spending enough quality time with my parents.. and they are getting a wee bit older by the day :-( Sure I go home nearly everyday and gossip with mom over everything and nothing, while I'm a perpetual 5 year old with dad but I still take them for granted, all the time.
I feel especially bad over the weekends when I'm not around to have dinner with them. And I'm not even married yet!
These days, I make it a point to spend dinnertime with them on Saturday at least, and Sunday night at my place. Doesn't always happen that way but hey, better sometimes than never, yes? Regret over your parents is a baggage you should NEVER have to bear..
The Purpose Driven Life
If you've yet to read Rick Warren's best-selling book in the world for 3 consecutive years (2003-2005), help yourself to the summary here:
Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
Marriage Proposal in Punjabi English
This is the first joke that I shared with S when we first got to know each other as friends. It tickled me especially 'cos he was really into 'pumping dumb belles in the jim' in those days.. :-))
----------
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore.
Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab.
I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long.
My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly.
I am playing hardly also.
Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller.
Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running.
Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone.
I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.
I am always giving respect to the ladies.
I am always allowing ladies to get on top.
That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits.
I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else.
Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything.
Daily I am pumping and pumping.
If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you.
I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.
What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.
That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.
In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.
So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon...
Yours and only yours,
Choudhary Warraich,
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab
----------
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore.
Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab.
I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long.
My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly.
I am playing hardly also.
Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller.
Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running.
Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone.
I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.
I am always giving respect to the ladies.
I am always allowing ladies to get on top.
That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits.
I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else.
Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything.
Daily I am pumping and pumping.
If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you.
I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.
What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.
That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.
In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.
So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon...
Yours and only yours,
Choudhary Warraich,
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My (occasionally) better half
Now that I've come back down to earth, I'm sure you're wondering what sort of mental disorder compelled my fiance to want to spend the rest of his life with mean, cranky ol' me!
I could tell you countless great (uh-hmm) things about him, but I'll be brief.
S was born 2 months before me, grew up in PJ, attended university in Perth and likes to hug trees in his spare time hahahahaahah.. I kid. He's an environmental consultant, adrenalin junkie and gym rat. He loves his car and my engagement ring more than anything in the world (next to me, I hope).
He's also smart, adoooorable (I always tell him that he should be thankful we never met in kindergarten or I'd chase him around the block all day just to steal a kiss from him because he's just soooo cute!), caring, reciprocative, affectionate (indulges in PDAs: "For God's sakes, get a room!"), and is full of fire, light, energy and enthusiam.
Though he's the exact opposite of extroverted me, we still have a lot in common i.e. similar goals for the future, religious views (I'm getting baptised.. soon. Yes, you heard me right), geographic preferences, choice of pets (a miniature schnauzer as soon as we move into our little nest), tastes in food, hobbies we wish we had time for, thoughts on whether or not (and when) to have children one day, and more. I could go on..
In short, we're as compatible as we're incompatible (I'm still figuring this one out) and the excitement lies therein ;-) So much so that it's scary (in a good way?? Hmmm..) at times. I've lost count of the number of times I've thought to myself "I can't possibly be this lucky..." (especially when I'm more likely to get murdered than married)
But I am.
We've had a few bumps in the road, naturally. Most of them the obvious results of our pig-headedness from having two horns firmly locked onto each other, and unwillingness to budge.
But it's all part of the journey, and each time we've come away stronger, knowing each other better, and even more confident about our future.
He came into my life when I was on the verge of giving up on meeting good men, ever. And I'm incredibly happy and thankful that we managed to find each other at a time in our lives when we were both ready to find each other. But even more than that, I'm excited about the future we're going to have together.
This is already longer than I thought it'd be, and the reason I'm writing this entry is because he insisted that I wrote as much about him as I did Toby ;-)
So I'll return you to the regular boring stuff, strange news, golden nuggets of advice which I don't follow and the occasional ranting - as soon as I come up with something!
I could tell you countless great (uh-hmm) things about him, but I'll be brief.
S was born 2 months before me, grew up in PJ, attended university in Perth and likes to hug trees in his spare time hahahahaahah.. I kid. He's an environmental consultant, adrenalin junkie and gym rat. He loves his car and my engagement ring more than anything in the world (next to me, I hope).
He's also smart, adoooorable (I always tell him that he should be thankful we never met in kindergarten or I'd chase him around the block all day just to steal a kiss from him because he's just soooo cute!), caring, reciprocative, affectionate (indulges in PDAs: "For God's sakes, get a room!"), and is full of fire, light, energy and enthusiam.
Though he's the exact opposite of extroverted me, we still have a lot in common i.e. similar goals for the future, religious views (I'm getting baptised.. soon. Yes, you heard me right), geographic preferences, choice of pets (a miniature schnauzer as soon as we move into our little nest), tastes in food, hobbies we wish we had time for, thoughts on whether or not (and when) to have children one day, and more. I could go on..
In short, we're as compatible as we're incompatible (I'm still figuring this one out) and the excitement lies therein ;-) So much so that it's scary (in a good way?? Hmmm..) at times. I've lost count of the number of times I've thought to myself "I can't possibly be this lucky..." (especially when I'm more likely to get murdered than married)
But I am.
We've had a few bumps in the road, naturally. Most of them the obvious results of our pig-headedness from having two horns firmly locked onto each other, and unwillingness to budge.
But it's all part of the journey, and each time we've come away stronger, knowing each other better, and even more confident about our future.
He came into my life when I was on the verge of giving up on meeting good men, ever. And I'm incredibly happy and thankful that we managed to find each other at a time in our lives when we were both ready to find each other. But even more than that, I'm excited about the future we're going to have together.
This is already longer than I thought it'd be, and the reason I'm writing this entry is because he insisted that I wrote as much about him as I did Toby ;-)
So I'll return you to the regular boring stuff, strange news, golden nuggets of advice which I don't follow and the occasional ranting - as soon as I come up with something!
Our little love nest
After months of house-hunting, S n I finally found our dream home over the weekend :-)
It’s a condo unit tucked away in a quiet little enclave in Mutiara Damansara, called Surian Condos. We secured a small but comfy 1,206sf unit on one of the low-rise blocks, on the 3rd floor. It’s absolutely gorgeous and we fell in love with it at first sight!
I'm already flirting with the idea of throwing our wedding party at the poolside next year.. subject to the families' approval (ho hum).
Incidentally, it just occurred to me the significance of our love nest being in Mutiara Damansara - S has been staying in Damansara all his life.. while I'm at (Taman) Mutiara!
Providence or what!
It’s a condo unit tucked away in a quiet little enclave in Mutiara Damansara, called Surian Condos. We secured a small but comfy 1,206sf unit on one of the low-rise blocks, on the 3rd floor. It’s absolutely gorgeous and we fell in love with it at first sight!
I'm already flirting with the idea of throwing our wedding party at the poolside next year.. subject to the families' approval (ho hum).
Incidentally, it just occurred to me the significance of our love nest being in Mutiara Damansara - S has been staying in Damansara all his life.. while I'm at (Taman) Mutiara!
Providence or what!
As deep as the ocean
When we drove 8 crazy hours to Perhentian Island for my PADI course last month, little did I know that I would come away with more than an open water certification; but that my relationship status would change from being "In a Relationship” to “Engaged”!
S popped the question on August 20, during our last dive at a beautiful coral reef called Tokong Laut, after close to a year of patient and meticulous planning (since Christmas 2006, to be exact).
The exquisite pearl ring was firmly strapped into a seashell he sneaked back from the Bahamas in 2005 and carefully placed on a coral bed at a 20m depth.
I didn’t see it at first and it took some effort on his part to point it out to me. Even then, I thought he'd spotted another moray eel hiding underneath the rocks and wanted to draw my attention to it.
When I finally saw the ring, my first thought was that it was some poor shipwreck soul's treasure which happened to drop out of the sky! When he pointed to my finger, immediately I was aghast and horrified that he could actually ask me to put it on! Instead, I gingerly picked up the seashell and paddled over to my dive instructor, Fatcat who was floating ahead, totally ignorant of the drama occuring behind him, with an excited gesture, “See what we both found!”
While I was so pleased with myself for "discovering somebody else's treasure", S was frantically signalling me for “OK” (meaning yes) or “something wrong” (no). Still clueless, I waved back a half-hearted “What on earth are you talking about?!"
Only when he pointed the ring to my finger again and again did reality finally hit me (duh!). I waited until we all got into the boat (more like tumbled into it and accumulated yet a couple more bruises!) and allowed Fatcat to make the official announcement with congratulations all around.
S then reminded me that I had yet to give my answer, to which I replied “Of course I’ll marry you, you big oaf! It’s too late to say no, isn’t it!”
In all, it was a surreal experience and totally awesome with fabulous visibility in the clear blue waters amidst the coral inhabitants bearing witness!
We’ve yet to confirm the actual date and everything else that comes with the package, but rest assured I'll give y'all a heads-up of our unconventional wedding plans after we've worked out the details :-)
The 90/10 Principle
I'm most ashamed to admit that I'm a very, very impatient person. When anything goes wrong, I'm quick to blame everyone but myself (sounds familiar?) ;-)
A friend thought it best that I take a sliver out of best-selling author, Stephen Covey's 90/10 Principle, before I get cerebral aneurysm.
According to Covey, the 90/10 Principle will change your life, or at least the way you react to situations.
So what is this principle? Covey opines that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ... By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You scold your daughter harshly for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? ... Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
Understanding and applying the 90/10 principle CAN change your life!!!
A friend thought it best that I take a sliver out of best-selling author, Stephen Covey's 90/10 Principle, before I get cerebral aneurysm.
According to Covey, the 90/10 Principle will change your life, or at least the way you react to situations.
So what is this principle? Covey opines that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ... By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You scold your daughter harshly for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? ... Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
Understanding and applying the 90/10 principle CAN change your life!!!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Am I marrying the right person?
How do you know if you're marrying the right person? How would you know that this person is really, truly, utterly and completely right for you for the rest of your lives together as a SINGLE unit?
This "million dollar question" has often swung back and forth like a pendulum on my mind.. Until my best friend, JS (a mother of two bonny boys who's happily married for 6 years to her childhood sweetheart of 16 years!) sent me this article one day which, to me, quashed all my doubts about the "Big M" and assured me that it is ultimately the right road to take.
----------
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their calls, yearned for their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
----------
After 12 tumultuous years of playing touch and go with love, out of which the last 1.5 were spent with my moody but rock steady half, I'm very sure no one will ever love me as much as he does, which explained why I've decided to take the plunge into the Great Abyss with him (actually he didn't give me much of a choice since it was done underwater with non-comprehensible sign language in tow! -- More on that later)
1.5 years may still be a short courting period for some, but within those quick months, we've reached the highest pinnacles of ecstacy that come with the pleasure of "falling effortlessly in love" and came crashing down to the harsh realities of having an "intruder" in your life, complete with personality conflicts, clashing opinions and the monotony of being an "old married couple".
S is not perfect.. but neither am I. But I love him anyways (though sometimes I wonder why lol)
I'm not a newbie at this and the familiar dullness of being in a not-so-new relationship has already begun to creep in. I'm passionate and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationships and my feelings. Like most normal girls who grew up reading Mills & Boons (and other nonsensical romance and semi porn novels), I constantly yearn for the romantic explosive moments. But those darn novels didn't tell us of the "Happily Ever After.. And Then What..??"!
Hence I need to be constantly reminded that monotony is normal.. that when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement will fade away, and one tends to forget the true nature that lies between the peace and dullness.
Flowers and romantic moments are nice but they only appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love still stands... and I'm learning to accept that what I share with S is as good as it's ever gonna get.. and be contented with it!
The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.
"Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One."
I want a good life.. do you?
This "million dollar question" has often swung back and forth like a pendulum on my mind.. Until my best friend, JS (a mother of two bonny boys who's happily married for 6 years to her childhood sweetheart of 16 years!) sent me this article one day which, to me, quashed all my doubts about the "Big M" and assured me that it is ultimately the right road to take.
----------
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their calls, yearned for their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
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After 12 tumultuous years of playing touch and go with love, out of which the last 1.5 were spent with my moody but rock steady half, I'm very sure no one will ever love me as much as he does, which explained why I've decided to take the plunge into the Great Abyss with him (actually he didn't give me much of a choice since it was done underwater with non-comprehensible sign language in tow! -- More on that later)
1.5 years may still be a short courting period for some, but within those quick months, we've reached the highest pinnacles of ecstacy that come with the pleasure of "falling effortlessly in love" and came crashing down to the harsh realities of having an "intruder" in your life, complete with personality conflicts, clashing opinions and the monotony of being an "old married couple".
S is not perfect.. but neither am I. But I love him anyways (though sometimes I wonder why lol)
I'm not a newbie at this and the familiar dullness of being in a not-so-new relationship has already begun to creep in. I'm passionate and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationships and my feelings. Like most normal girls who grew up reading Mills & Boons (and other nonsensical romance and semi porn novels), I constantly yearn for the romantic explosive moments. But those darn novels didn't tell us of the "Happily Ever After.. And Then What..??"!
Hence I need to be constantly reminded that monotony is normal.. that when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement will fade away, and one tends to forget the true nature that lies between the peace and dullness.
Flowers and romantic moments are nice but they only appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love still stands... and I'm learning to accept that what I share with S is as good as it's ever gonna get.. and be contented with it!
The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.
"Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One."
I want a good life.. do you?
The Teddy Bear… Continuum in a Security Blanket
Meet Mr. Andrew Tobias – the love of my life. I call him Toby for short. He also has many other nicknames: –
Toby bear;
Babybear;
Bear bear;
Poochie wookums;
Cutie boo bear;
Naniingbear..
.. You get the picture.
He has his own special place on the bed between S and me, and somehow or rather, always manages to crawl his way between us into my arms at night.
Toby was a gift from an old boyfriend while I was a lonesome student in Melbourne, craving the warmth of cuddles and memories long gone. He turned up unexpectedly at my doorstep one day, a ginormous adooorable furball, the colour of oatmeal with eyes as beady and luminous as saucepans and a big sunny smile that says “Love me, I’m yours!”
He has fat generous arms that reach out for endless hugs and the softest tummy for snuggles.
His black nose has taken on the shape of my kisses over the years, and till today, I still sniff his nose like a hit of coke.
His roly poly plush, once fluffy has been worn away from years of fierce cuddles and wanton hugs. Today, he sits around like a limp beanbag. I’m taking him to a bear station in 1-Utama for restuffing when I have the time.
I’m 30 this year with Toby permanently fixed in the crook of my arms. Yeah, so I have issues but Toby helps me get through life’s little bumps :-) For his faithful presence and ceaseless dedication, he wins hands-down for the “Most Loved Bear” award! I’d make S fetch him from a sinking ship or inside a burning building!
Oh BTW Toby’s only been washed twice.. We don’t want him disintegrating in the washing machine now, do we!
Toby bear;
Babybear;
Bear bear;
Poochie wookums;
Cutie boo bear;
Naniingbear..
.. You get the picture.
He has his own special place on the bed between S and me, and somehow or rather, always manages to crawl his way between us into my arms at night.
Toby was a gift from an old boyfriend while I was a lonesome student in Melbourne, craving the warmth of cuddles and memories long gone. He turned up unexpectedly at my doorstep one day, a ginormous adooorable furball, the colour of oatmeal with eyes as beady and luminous as saucepans and a big sunny smile that says “Love me, I’m yours!”
He has fat generous arms that reach out for endless hugs and the softest tummy for snuggles.
His black nose has taken on the shape of my kisses over the years, and till today, I still sniff his nose like a hit of coke.
His roly poly plush, once fluffy has been worn away from years of fierce cuddles and wanton hugs. Today, he sits around like a limp beanbag. I’m taking him to a bear station in 1-Utama for restuffing when I have the time.
I’m 30 this year with Toby permanently fixed in the crook of my arms. Yeah, so I have issues but Toby helps me get through life’s little bumps :-) For his faithful presence and ceaseless dedication, he wins hands-down for the “Most Loved Bear” award! I’d make S fetch him from a sinking ship or inside a burning building!
Oh BTW Toby’s only been washed twice.. We don’t want him disintegrating in the washing machine now, do we!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Royally screwed...
I can't believe I'm starting a blog.. After God-only-knows why and how long I've been mulling over it. What's even more unbelieavable.. I can't believe that when I've finally decided to jump onto the blogwagon, my 1st entry turns out to be a venting exercise due to.. WORK!
So what's my grouse about? Generally, I commited one of PR's cardinal sins: Overselling one's event to one's stakeholders.
For one, I've got a "Very Very Important" media function tomorrow and I've only managed to secure half the media numbers of what I promised the Client initially. Secondly, I got carried away with the fact that some VIPs were coming to town, and oversold the success of the event to both the Client and media, without a moment's consideration for Budget 2008's preparations!
Sooo I resorted to what any desperate case would do.. begged, whined, pleaded and cajoled (at one point I even promised an Editor a picture of myself on bended knees) to get a confirmation. So far, 4 media fell for it!
It's gonna be a looong day tomorrow.. *shudder*
So what's my grouse about? Generally, I commited one of PR's cardinal sins: Overselling one's event to one's stakeholders.
For one, I've got a "Very Very Important" media function tomorrow and I've only managed to secure half the media numbers of what I promised the Client initially. Secondly, I got carried away with the fact that some VIPs were coming to town, and oversold the success of the event to both the Client and media, without a moment's consideration for Budget 2008's preparations!
Sooo I resorted to what any desperate case would do.. begged, whined, pleaded and cajoled (at one point I even promised an Editor a picture of myself on bended knees) to get a confirmation. So far, 4 media fell for it!
It's gonna be a looong day tomorrow.. *shudder*
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