Am I marrying the right person?

How do you know if you're marrying the right person? How would you know that this person is really, truly, utterly and completely right for you for the rest of your lives together as a SINGLE unit?

This "million dollar question" has often swung back and forth like a pendulum on my mind.. Until my best friend, JS (a mother of two bonny boys who's happily married for 6 years to her childhood sweetheart of 16 years!) sent me this article one day which, to me, quashed all my doubts about the "Big M" and assured me that it is ultimately the right road to take.

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EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their calls, yearned for their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

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After 12 tumultuous years of playing touch and go with love, out of which the last 1.5 were spent with my moody but rock steady half, I'm very sure no one will ever love me as much as he does, which explained why I've decided to take the plunge into the Great Abyss with him (actually he didn't give me much of a choice since it was done underwater with non-comprehensible sign language in tow! -- More on that later)

1.5 years may still be a short courting period for some, but within those quick months, we've reached the highest pinnacles of ecstacy that come with the pleasure of "falling effortlessly in love" and came crashing down to the harsh realities of having an "intruder" in your life, complete with personality conflicts, clashing opinions and the monotony of being an "old married couple".

S is not perfect.. but neither am I. But I love him anyways (though sometimes I wonder why lol)

I'm not a newbie at this and the familiar dullness of being in a not-so-new relationship has already begun to creep in. I'm passionate and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationships and my feelings. Like most normal girls who grew up reading Mills & Boons (and other nonsensical romance and semi porn novels), I constantly yearn for the romantic explosive moments. But those darn novels didn't tell us of the "Happily Ever After.. And Then What..??"!

Hence I need to be constantly reminded that monotony is normal.. that when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement will fade away, and one tends to forget the true nature that lies between the peace and dullness.

Flowers and romantic moments are nice but they only appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love still stands... and I'm learning to accept that what I share with S is as good as it's ever gonna get.. and be contented with it!

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

"Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One."

I want a good life.. do you?