Hooked on Sex

Sex and the City (SATC) has all my favourite elements – sex, fashion and shoes, in that order. So you can imagine when the series ended in 2004, I felt like how I’d felt on the day I’d lost my virginity. (Well, I’m sure most single, independent, intelligent women all over the world felt that way too, no?)

I mean, where else was I to get my weekly dose of sex, romance, lies and manipulation through the lives of four single and very happening women in their mid-thirties on the other side of the world now??

My obsession with the series is hugely due to the fact that I was living my life vicariously through the show’s protagonist, the very unique and confused Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, at that time. Carrie was (and still is) my role model and inspiration – I lived and breathed Carrie religiously and followed her every shopping and sexual escapade, antic and heartbreak through six seasons.

Carrie and I share several similarities:

1. Carrie has her own weekly column in a newspaper which focuses on everyone’s favourite subject: Sex; I would have been an accomplished columnist on the risqué too if this country allowed it!

2. Carrie had fabulous fashion sense and is a shoe fetish; I’d fit perfectly in her shoes (no pun intended) if I had the moolah.

3. Carrie had Big in and out of her life which made it oh so complicated and painful; I knew a “Big” once. I also know now that he just wasn’t worth a dime of my thought – I was such a fucking IDIOT back then (Ah well, you have to learn the hard way)

4. Carrie constantly struggled through her failed relationships with the freak shows and the scum at the bottom of the pond; Bingo! Sounds familiar to me. Funny, don’t you think? Despite the fact that there are over 2 million people in KL, you still feel stranded and alone.

5. Carrie was given a chance at redemption with the charming and reliable Aidan but not only did she fail to appreciate him for his perfection, she fucked the relationship up in true-blue Carrie style –with Big!; I understood how and why she did that.

Then again, as much as I’d like to think of Carrie as my alter ego, close friends have likened me to Samantha Jones, the most sexual and vocal of the foursome. Like Samantha, I’m confident, outspoken, a man-eater (ok, I was then) and a self-proclaimed “try anything once” (well, nearly!) and always loyal to my friends ;-)

I loved everything about the show – the friendship and camaraderie amongst the four characters, the frank and open discussions we can all relate to, the complicated and multi-faceted relationships, the turds that keep breaking our hearts, the constant staring at the wall, the lessons each character learnt and the clothes, shoes and fashion styles of the characters! Who can forget the fashion parades?!

I just don’t agree with Carrie getting back together with Big. He’s sooo not worth her time! Yeah, so what if he’s classy and suave, dastardly handsome and rolling in cash? He’s a commitment phobe and every smart girl should know that these are the men that you should keep away from, lock, stock and barrel.

Speaking of which... I understand now why some beautiful girls are willing to stay with a man who looks like he’s been dead for some weeks next to her (As the Chinese saying goes: Like fresh flowers growing on dung.. or s’thin like that). These men offer them security. So boys, a tip for you to nail the woman of your dreams (I’m not talking about fucking) – a marriage proposal! (Whoa! Look at them go.. Nice skid marks!)

Oops.. I digress. Where was I? Ah yes, so the movie version of SATC is slated for release on May 30, 2008. Who says Christmas doesn’t come early!

Bitch

The fiance thinks I'm the living embodiment of Meredith Brookes' hit. I'm still deciding whether or not to be flattered, hmmm...

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath, innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one

I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell
I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you thing you got me figured out
The season's already changin'
I think it's cool you do whatcha do and don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch
I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees

When you're hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel undercover

I've been numb
I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

A Prayer

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.

I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.

Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things.

I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.

Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Life mottos

What are some of your favourite life mottos? Here are some mottos that I try to live by, to make the most of my pathetically short time on earth:

When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better.
This motto has an especially powerful effect on me as it has constantly been a sore point in my life, and continues to shape the kind of relationships that I have with the people around me. I always (and still) expect others to change to suit me, instead of the other way round. I've been accused of being self-centred and thinking that the world revolves around me (hey, I don't deny it totally!). It is still a daily challenge for me to learn that, in order for my life to change, it has to start from within first.

It's your choice - will you choose to be a victim or the victor?
Staring at the wall is one of my favourite pastimes. When things don't turn out my way, instead of telling myself that tomorrow is another day, I tend to think or assume the worst and start to wallow in depression. I have to struggle to remind myself that winning is merely a state of mind, and who doesn't want to come out a winner?

There is no such thing as luck. Success comes from actually doing it.
If you want to change your life, do something about it instead of sitting around like a plant, or blaming your stars for being out of whack. I do not believe in luck. No doubt, everything happens for a reason. But you have a choice, and your life is ultimately the choices that you make.

Identify what you want and go for it.
I was born a go-getter. I stop at nothing to get what I want. I will exhaust all avenues before I say die. Failure is not an option. Well, most of the time anyways :-p

Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?
I'm fortunate that I have yet to let anything defeat me, yet. Even when I encountered a crisis at the workplace a year ago, I had angels watching my back (bless them) and I came out relatively unscathed. The episode shook me up pretty bad though but the good thing was that I had nothing to hide and furthermore, my strengths were a welcoming asset which is something that belongs to me only and no one can take that away.

When You Are Old And Grey

A friend sent me this soulful poem when we were on the verge of a broken friendship. That was 2 years ago. We've mended our friendship but the poem continues to haunt me..

When You Are Old and Grey

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look,
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.